What if Trump Wins?

How a Trump victory could affect NZ

The US presidential elections are just a week or so away. While Clinton is ahead in the polls, a victory for Donald Trump can’t be ruled out. Many commentators think this would be disastrous, not just for the US but also for other countries around the world.

Our correspondent Jenny Flan spoke to Darryl Dawkins, the mayor of Dunburton. She started by asking what a Trump victory would mean for NZ and, more specifically, for his region of the South Island.

DD: I think its almost certain there’ll be a large number of Americans seeking asylum here. For example, lots of Mexicans and gay people will want out. Oh, and women. Our big problem here in Dunburton, as well as in the wider region, is the small population. How can we run council if we don’t have enough ratepayers? Look at this postcard that my staff bought this morning at the dairy down the road – can you see any ratepayers? No.

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So, we are going to accept as many refugees as we can from a Trump-led US and settle them in empty parts of the South Island.

JF: But… you could get hundreds wanting to come here. Where will they all live?

DD: Hundreds? We’re expecting around 30 million or so – I did a spreadsheet so it’s very accurate. But look at the postcard – there’s plenty of room! And once they get themselves set up with huts and stuff we’ll send them their rates demands.

JF: Do you think that NZ’s central government will support this plan? Won’t they need to pass special legislation to allow it to happen?

DD: We don’t really care what central government thinks – we are going to declare the South Island a separate country. My staff are working on a declaration of independence as we speak.

JF: Surely the government won’t allow it…?

DD: What can they do about it? They might send one of the frigates but even if it makes it to Picton we’ll build a wall across the wharf and stop them getting any further. There’s nothing Wellington can do to stop us!

(At this point the interview was interrupted as Darryl Dawkins turned his attention to the final presidential debate on TV. As our correspondent left the room Darryl was muttering “…nasty woman…email server…”)

Photo by Marc Mann

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